I was 27,and 3 mos. pregnant
with my first child ( a result of a rape 2 days after Christmas)and desperately
trying to decide what to do. Everyone around me pressured me to abort...something
I would not do. Jobless for the winter and losing my apartment, I was beside
myself with grief and fear. I found a place to live with an old friend, who
aided me with food and some expenses...but I would not ask for more and I had
medical expenses plus if I were to keep the baby. Taking a walk brought me to
praying. I had been praying just out of fear and not even knowing what to pray
for...I finally broke down and sobbed asking God to tell me what to do. Previously,
I had been working as a carpenter and knew I would have benefits available to
pay medical expenses if I returned to work. Returning pregnant wasn't something
you did in the field of rough framing and bridge building. I was already tired
all the time and to think I would be working the demanding job while pregnant
and then the danger associated with heights and carrying the loads I had been
used to, it didn't seem like the answer. I finally just gave it all over to
God and said I would do whatever He told me to do. I couldn't decide anymore.
In minutes, seconds really, I received an answer. In my head...or in my heart,
I don't know...but it was there. I felt it. I knew it. The words simply said,
"Have faith". Not, "Go back to carpentry", or "Get
a factory job". Nothing specific. Just, "Have faith". A calm
came over me and my tears dried. I KNEW what to do. No question, no fear, no
doubt. Within weeks I had a job rebuilding a bridge with a large union shop,
working in all weather; snow, rain, heavy winds. I told no one but one co-worker
in case of an accident. I never missed a day. Walking steel beams 40'+ in the
air, only 6"-10" wide, carrying 30-40lb. metal brackets. 2 1/2 story
ladders swaying in the wind, and fitting inside forms full of rebar to nail
a wooden strip on the bottom of the form, the most difficult part was wearing
a tool belt over my swelling belly. I was able to hide it until I got sick and
ended up in the hospital with bronchitis and near pneumonia. When the company
found out I was pregnant they asked me not to come back. The amazing part of
this, besides never getting injured, is that I found out I had worked exactly
the amount of hours ( 2 mos.) needed to qualify for medical benefits for me
and the baby when it was time to deliver. I went home from the hospital and
recovered without ever having hurt the baby and was able to rest until the baby
was due. I gave birth to a perfectly healthy little boy (7lbs.- 15ozs.) blue-
eyed, blond-haired who grew to be put ahead in school twice and now at age twelve
is in the gifted class in seventh grade. So many people warned me that I would
give birth to a monster... yet, the sin of his "father" never touched
him. Only the loving hand of God. I know I heard God's voice that day. I will
never doubt God's prescence in my life. I may not always feel it...but I've
seen it first hand. (The company wanted me to come back to work for them. Knowing
how well I worked pregnant, they wanted to see what I could do not pregnant!)
(12/26/2003 - Anonymous
- Prarie Path in Illinois)
It was a sunny day...it had been a week of stress, anxiety, sadness. I had wished in my mind that I could be peaceful, feel joy, see love all around me. I can't quite say exactly why this week was so strange but I had feelings on this particular day that turned slowly into this feeling that I had accomplished something, that life was so full of richness of love, kindness, sympathy and understanding....a sense of peacefulness came over me. I remember looking up at the sky as I sat with my three young daughters explaining to them about death but not really knowing how to go about it. All of a sudden I pointed to them towards the blue skies, a cloud resembling the shape...exactly, of the most beautiful vision I had ever seen.....Clouds feathered in the shape of an angel. Yes...the most beautiful experience I had ever had. It was a large cloud shaped exactly as an Angel standing tall wings behind her feathered, a halo above the head, a gown wide at the bottom...oh my...if every one could have seen it! Anyways, I looked at my girls to tell them with tears in my eyes and instantly a chill that this is what heaven is...filled with that vision we had seen which almost instantaneously disappeared from our view as we had glanced away for just a second. This was the experience that I truly needed as the days following I had become much more in love with life than ever before accepting all that came into my life, with an open heart, joy, happiness, so much love.
(03/03/00 - Author Unknown)
My ten-year old daughter had become estranged from me; the day had arrived when I was forced to admit she no longer wanted to see me. I grieved with a grief not unlike death. The late evening found me in her bedroom where she visited each weekend. I was on my knees praying that God would be with her as I couldn't. I spoke of the gift of her life that God had given to me. For six long years I had prayed for a child. When I had finally given up, a minister from my church came to visit. It was then that I let down all the barriers and let him know my sadness. I cried torrents of tears, asking the minister why, out of a family of ten children, God had decided to leave me childless? After the minister heard my story, he said, "let's pray." I thought he was going to ask God to give me a baby. Instead, he prayed that I ask for God's perfect Will in my life, and learn to accept it. I should follow God's plan, not my own. Very shortly after this incident, I found I was expecting a baby. I thought it was truly a miracle, a blessing from God. When she was three years old, I was forced to obtain a separation from my husband. We had been living on a farm and I had never worked. We had also lived without money worries, as my husband was a large grain farmer. After working at a small office with a boss who eventually attempted to harass me both emotionally and sexually, I left to enroll in a small community college in respiratory therapy. I allowed my daughter to live temporarily with my husband and his family so that I could concentrate on my studies. I badly needed a career, one that would support me more stably, and one that I felt would reward my spirit; a type of work where I could help heal my broken spirit while helping others who badly needed my services. The work turned out to be extremely rewarding. I liked my patients and my work.
In the meantime, unbeknown to me, my husband and his family were turning my daughter against me. She would say little things to me that indicated their conversation about me was reflecting me in a bad light. I could sense her turning away from me. The Christmas before she turned ten, I suffered without her as she refused to come visit during the holidays. She spoke coldly and cruelly to me, telling me she had other things she had to do. I never experienced such rejection or knew it was even possible for this to happen to a parent.
Driven by deep pain, I took her things off the walls, her photographs, her things, and tucked them away where I could not be reminded of her and the deep, deep pain I suffered. Then I went into her room, closed the door and prayed from the depths of my soul. I thanked God for her and for giving her to me. I asked that He take care of her and watch over her, now that I couldn't be there for her. I cried pitifully, and didn't stop for several hours, even after I finally went to bed. I remember falling asleep with tears still falling down my cheeks.
The first morning's dawn opened my eyes slowly. I looked toward the ceiling when I suddenly felt the most intense love I have ever felt in my life. It reminded me of the many times my mother would come in the middle of the night and tuck me in, making sure I was warm. I had felt so loved. Now this was an even greater love. The warmth of it gratified me so that I was in awe, wishing I could feel this way forever. I realized within moments that the Holy Spirit, the Comforter had come to me in my deep spiritual pain. He was comforting me as no one on earth could do. Eventually, the moment passed, but I never have and never will forget that time in my life. At my lowest point imaginable, God was there. He may have sent an angel, it may have been Jesus, but I know without a doubt someone was there from Heaven.
Soon after the experience, I began noticing several large changes in my life. I took on a real love for others, my co-workers, everyone I met. I really was interested in what they had to say. I wanted to really listen to them. I loved them almost as God loved them. Then I noticed another change. Each time I saw a child I felt its hurts, pains, emotions, almost as clearly as if it were happening to me. It even hurt to see the impoverished ones, as I could feel their needs, their lack of love in their lives, their neglect. I knew that God had left me a gift that morning in my bedroom. That gift was one of love, peace, of understanding God's most loved. I can't thank Him enough for that gift. I can only magnify Him by telling you, whoever you might be, what God did for me. Through any grief, I believe God can teach a lesson, can send a message. Won't you allow God to reach your heart in your moments of deepest emotional or spiritual pain. I love you all and hope my story might be an inspiration to someone.
(12/15/99 - Loretta B. Smith -Age 49)
During a recent trip to the beach my husband and I took some children (ours and a couple of others) out for a walk after dinner. The aim for us was a bit of exercise, but the children wanted to stop frequently and "dig for crabs." My husband and I were happy to indulge them, and since he was willing to linger with them I walked ahead more briskly. I didn't feel the need to take a flashlight even though it was overcast and there was no light to be seen from moon or stars. The light from the hotel appeared to be visible for a good distance, and beside that I wanted to experience walking into the misty, mysterious darkness as I walked alongside the surf.
So I walked thinking about the power of the surf, how it both cleanses the beach and brings forth things from the depths leaving them like treasures for us to find. As always, when I am near the ocean or looking out the window of an airplane, I was reminded of how miniscule in the great scheme of the natural world and of the universe are my problems and I. At once my problems took on a different, lesser proportion, and I felt, not more important than any one individual is than any other, but thankful to realize that God, who is concerned with the whole universe, knows me at all. It made me feel emboldened to go ahead and do whatever I could to help myself, especially if it meant that maybe, just maybe, I could do my part to help God with His work! I only hoped and prayed that every thought, word, and deed would be in keeping with His will and not against it, and that He would transform even my mistakes into something that could bring about His will on earth.
About the time I was feeling happy and bold enough to walk even further into the darkness, I realized I wouldn't be doing my part if I didn't use my common sense which was telling me that perhaps I should have brought a flashlight so that I wouldn't step on a jellyfish. (Sometimes even treasures need to be respected for the harm they are capable of.) By this time it was so dark that I could barely see my feet, but when I looked down I saw that with each step the sand flickered with what looked like hundreds of fireflies just below the surface! It was amazing, like "fairy or angel dust" I imagined, but the timing of my becoming aware of its presence was nothing short of breath-taking. The instant, and no sooner, I had felt the need for my path to be lighted, I realized that it was. Not in the way I thought I needed, but in a subtle and delightful way. Not in the way I might have expected a miracle, such as Paul's light on the road to Damascus, but undoubtedly heaven sent was this light. Just enough to light each careful step, even though I had not been careful before. Just enough of a miracle to make me slow down and marvel at the experience, to take wonder in the ordinary bits of phosphorescent seaweed that I had been walking through all along. Just enough light to enable me to see what I needed to see at that point in time. I was reminded of the old Jewish tale "Just Enough is Plenty," and certainly, it is.
This was an indication (or was it a reminder?) that maybe, just maybe, wink-wink, God DOES use the natural world as a "medium" through which He communicates. And maybe, just maybe, the mediumistic communication I had read about at the Angelic Messages site is real. Israel..just like that..it's something mysterious that people, all of us, are part of even though we don't realize it until we slow sown to take a closer look. And to wonder...
( Author Unknown)
I had a wonderful experience when I was driving to work and praying for the Love. I was praying to our Father to do His Will and to have my soul in ascendancy over my mind so that I would be able to follow my souls true longings. I thanked Him for all that He has given me and thanked Him for this incarnation, this earthly life. I asked the angels for help to make a strong connection with God. What started out as a small flickering inside my chest turned into a intense burning in my soul as I asked the angels to help me let go of my fear. The Love and peace kept growing and growing when I felt the gates of heaven open above. I witnessed the most beautiful sunrise that I have ever seen in my entire life! The whole sky was dark except for a region where rays of golden light were shooting through the towering, billowing clouds. The light showered me and those around me and I just stared... I was transfixed by the beauty and splendor of what I saw before me. It was a truly incredible experience that strengthened my faith and trust in God.
(Author Unknown)
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